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Signs on Church Property

V "No God—No Peace. Know God—Know Peace."

V "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

V "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."

V "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

V An ad for St. Joseph’s Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

V When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

V "Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons—come hear one!"

V A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."

V "People are like tea bags—you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."

V "God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."

V "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"

V "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."

V "Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."

V "Fight truth decay—study the Bible daily."

V "How will you spend eternity—Smoking or Non-smoking?"

V "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives"

V "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."

V "It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin."

V "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."

V "If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."

V "If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again."

V "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."

V "This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?" ---------(U R)

V "Forbidden fruit creates many jams."

V "In the dark? Follow the Son."

V "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."

V "If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."

V And, one from Doug: "Are you sin-dicated or dedicated?"

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